TFF Sami-Jo’s 5 Things She Will Never Do Again

We all have things we HAD to experience and then swear we’ll never do again. Many involve alcohol. Here’s a list of Sami-Jo’s ‘I’ll never do again’ moments.

1. Party bus.

In 2009 my brother was en route to becoming a rock star. Traveling to Florida during Canadian Spring Break for a battle of the bands on a party bus was a part of his rise to stardom and invited myself, my now Hubster, and my two cousins along with promises of fun times at minimal price. Fun times? Absolutely. Minimal price? Darn tootin’. NEVER AGAIN.

Picture being on the bus for 30 hours with wannabe rock stars and their wannabe groupies, copious alcohol, broken/overflowing toilets, zero sleep, and drivers who paid more attention to the passengers than the road. We slept five adults in one room of a 2.5 star hotel (shared with rats) for a week. OMG! We broke down in Headland, Alabama on the way home and all we saw was Pizza Hut and shitty cars with bitchin’ rims. Memorable, but a one time only deal I’m happy to never repeat.

P.S. My brother’s band won the battle of bands.

P.P.S. Alligator tastes like chicken.

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The brother screaming himself hoarse.

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Our bus mates I’ve never seen again.

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Never skip a chance at a photo op.

2. Lemoncello.

For my 24th birthday my brother decided to throw me a surprise party. People came, fun times were had. A bottle of Lemoncello disappeared and I survived 2 hours before spending the remainder of the party in the bathroom unable to lift my head while others posed for embarrassing photos with me. I still can’t eat yellow candy without a full-body shudder.

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Before things got sloppy.

3. Writing a book with over 218k words. (SEE! Not all about alcohol :P)

Writing a book larger than Moby Dick means breaking it down into smaller books. I’ve already cut it in half and could conceivably cut into thirds. The amount of work I caused myself is astronomical. Novice tip: pay attention to your word count and the expected word counts of those in the genre you’re writing, and save yourself the countless hours of revisions and the authorly version of Jenga with the added bonus of carpal tunnel.

4. Trust technology.

A couple years ago I had a notebook laptop I wrote on everyday. When it white flagged and refused to turn on, I learned the importance of being connected to the net and backing up my work as I lost over 2 days worth of what of course was pure genius. Those words are gone forever, even if I still have the laptop laying around collecting dust. Issues with letting go? Naaahhh, not this girl. Now I back up everything like there’s government secrets and the life of my first born involved.

5. Using a tanning bed.

I’m from Scottish genetics, and in my case, this translates into dark hair and fair skin with olive undertones. A tan looks wonderful on others so why should I be any different?

RIGHT?

I decided to hit up a tanning bed and join the flock of bronze beauties with glowing skin. Instead, I walked out the place after a 6 minute session, experiencing the worst ass-sweat in my life, and walked out feeling the glow alright. The glow of being cooked. I ended up with lobster cheeks, the ones I sit on instead of my face, but there was little sitting occurring because I was so burnt. Want a quick life lesson on loving the body you have? Force it to do something it wouldn’t naturally and see how well it turns out. Red faced from embarrassment was nothing compared to the pair beneath my shorts.

There you have it. I’ve done many things in my life, dull to some, stupid to others, but many I view as life lessons I wouldn’t trade. These 5 I can say with absolute certainty that I’d I’d be happy to never recreate.

Sami-Jo out.

 

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